Category Archives: The blog

A search results poem.

People find my blogs using the weirdest search queries. Of course, I expect a strange mixture of results since I blog about science, reptiles, religion, alternative medicines, heroes of mine, and random shenanigans I get up to. Recently a friend was sharing the stranger queries that found her blog and I showed her mine. It was then suggested that the quantity and bizarre nature of the search queries would lend themselves well to an epic poem. In a wonderfully productive afternoon, I have constructed an epic poem written using only search queries that have been used to find my two main blogs. Every line is a separate and complete search query that has found either this blog or Reality Is My Religion. Enjoy.

A Chimpanzee’s Memory.
Composed by Peter Harrison. Written by the people who searched for his blogs.

I question my existence.
What is my scientific name?
Rhacodactylus ciliatus?
Do I have powers?
BOOM.
Fire came out of my fingers.
I went to London.

The British Museum has a stairway with a statue.
It was a strange museum.
Images of rare ocean fish.
Pictures of anacondas eating people.
Photos of extraterrestrials.
Photo shoots of people at the beach.
Recent pictures of the Obama girls.
Space scenery.
An interesting museum.

They had animals.
Really strange animals.
Dolphins sleeping.
Dolphins sleeping with one eye open.
Fucking knackered.

Other bizarre animals.
Brain slugs.
The coolest parasites.
Every single starter Pokemon.
Green Iguana.
Blue Iguana.
How many types of Iguana are there?

Really strange animals.
Animals and cunts,
from the Cayman Islands.

There was a section for,
The most recognised names in mankind’s history.
Richard Nixon.
Good fucking grief.
Atheists won’t believe I speak to ex-presidents.
Neil Armstrong dancing.
I love the way you move, the way you walk inside the room.

I have so many questions but not enough time.
How can I tell if a religious person is a reptile?
Why do our bodies become lighter after death?
How long can I hold a python upside down before it breaks?
Will homeopathy help my penis?
Is Sarah Jessica Parker attractive?
How do you make a cake in the form of a camera?
Peace for all mankind tattoo?
Rubik’s cube tattoo?
Rowan Atkinson tattoo?

Government arresting psychics over earthquake prediction.
Is it worth predicting earthquakes knowing it might not be right?

Richard Dawkins.
His religious experience confronting ovaries.
Icelandic people and,
Endless Iceland,
Caused Dawkins to shut down his forum.

Peter Harrison vs Richard Dawkins
Please don’t pray for me.
Is Richard Dawkins dead?
Smackdown.
Celebrate death.
Religion is funny.
Different forms of bullshit.

Lessons in life:
1. Everything is a miracle.
Example:
People with no genitalia.

2. Science has made god redundant.
Examples:
Lizard eyelashes.
Robot dinosaurs.

3. Tweet in Japanese.

4. Don’t pee in the ocean.

Things that make me angry:
A distinct lack of morale in the shed.
A pink Rubik’s cube.
Why do blonde girls like pink?
How to tell if a toy is for girls or boys:
I stuck it in my eye.
Never again if they don’t pay.

Things that make me sad:
A chimpanzee’s memory,
He died from laughter.
A friend’s war cartoon,
Something that makes me smile but it’s not real.

Things that make me happy:
I’m a cowboy riding a dinosaur.
Riding a fucking dinosaur.
At least I can say I’ve lived.

A Chimpanzee's Memoriespoemsearch queiriessearch results

Oh, a blog. How original…

Hello. I’ve started a personal blog.

Me: I’m an optimistic cynic. I like reptiles, puzzles, and pineapple. I dislike rain, mushrooms, and David Cameron. I work in a lab with homosexual flies and mute crickets. “Earth Prisoner” is an anagram of my name.

The name of the blog is inspired by a quote from Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species:

There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.

I currently study in Scotland, but will be spending my summers in London from now on. I imagine some of the posts on this blog will be about me getting used to London-living. Other blogs I’ve written in the past had specific themes and target audiences. One in Japanese, one for science and skepticism, and various others. This blog is a personal blog. Primarily, it’s written for me. If you like some of it, then that’s a bonus. When I feel like conveying my thoughts, having a rant, or maybe just sharing something freaking awesome, then I’ll do that here. It could be about science, it could be something amazing I saw at the weekend, it could be about a politician I want to see chased into a volcano.

This post is essentially going to become my “About Me” page, so I better write a little about myself.

I’m obsessed with science (especially evolutionary developmental biology, palaeontology, and astronomy) but generally interested in all fields. I’m also very interested in the communication of science to the public. I’m fascinated by the Japanese language, magic, rational skepticism, dinosaurs, whisky, and weird t-shirts. And cake. I’m definitely obsessed with cake. I’ve been told that I’m an obese man in a thin man’s body.

I love public speaking. I often talk about science/skepticism/magic at various events around the UK, and over the last few months I’ve been making the transition into stand-up comedy as well. I do @ReptileFacts on Twitter. I run a Skeptics group in St Andrews. I used to be the volunteer coordinator for the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science (you couldn’t pay me to work with them again). I occasionally write columns and guest posts for some videogame websites.

I enjoy sports. I dislike the notion that being sporty or geeky are mutually exclusive character traits. I’m as likely to play football as I am chess. I’m as likely to go for a run as I am to try beating my best time solving a Rubik’s cube. Sometimes I want to cheer on my favourite teams, other times I want to wrap my head around some tasty diffusion equations. Why pigeonhole? There are some things I enjoy, and some I really don’t. I don’t care what “type” of activity they are.

I’ve got bored writing about myself now. That’ll do.

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